literature

Playing Dress-Up with Reality--C.

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betwixtthepages's avatar
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Literature Text

You weren't easy for me. You were all the wrong words and too many missed chances and I couldn't breathe around you. Not really. Not in the ways it mattered. And maybe that was the real problem, at first--you stole the oxygen from my lungs and I couldn't think when you came around. So I didn't. I just stopped. I stopped the breathing, and I stopped the thinking, and when it finally came down to it, I think maybe I was starting to stop the caring, too.

You were so different from me. You were an adventure, an adrenaline rush, you made my heart spin dizzy. I fell so hard that I laughed--convinced this had to be love. Love runs amok, right? Love leaves you breathless and aching. That's what made my chest pound. Not lack of air but your need for me. Or was that my need for you?

You were difficult, darling. Every breath I stole around you smelled of chalkboard dust and brittle autumn leaves and I don't know how I ever thought not breathing was okay, because it wasn't. You were a cobra coiled tight, ready to snap, and I spent my time dizzy, walking on eggshells and praying the bruises on my skin couldn't be seen.

You were all I ever thought about. My mind a fun house mirror with your face haunting every reflection. I disappeared behind your eyes, your smile, and I couldn’t fathom how much your touch could hurt me. Fingerprints the color of Merlot dotted my flesh in a path I couldn’t follow, and I was lost—led astray in what I thought was powerful desire. I never knew that the glimmering spots dancing before my eyes was really misplaced suffocation.

I stripped myself bare, a blank slate for you to write your story on. You chose tragedies--the cruelest art form. Your fingertips were callused, used wishes and broken dreams the only magic loving you promised. I learned to tiptoe the tight rope, head bowed and skin covered. I learned to paint the bruises with makeup and tell pretty lies to the world...but I couldn't quite cover the pain.

I was the ultimate canvas, a place for you to leave your mark. I became something other-- a wasted masterpiece never to be put on display. I was a relic hidden behind your bravado; a silent partner who refused to see what was real. Love was what I wanted, what I was so desperate for that my need for it drowned out the simple truth. Under the lights, under the makeup so deep was just a girl playing dress up.
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haphazardmelody's avatar
This is so good, that it was honestly hard for me to finish. I felt this, I really did. You guys did a fantastic job.