literature

blame the sandman

Deviation Actions

Published: Feb 23, 2010

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Literature Text

dear paradise girl:

_{you have seaweed in your hair
and your eyes are painted with mother-of-pearls.

the sand between your toes
has crusted over
and when i place my head against your chest,
i panic
because i can't find a heartbeat.

and you laugh,
a clogged-up gurgle,
because you know that i've forgotten what you're made of.

you don't have a pulse.

instead,
i hear the rhythm of blue waves beneath your skin.}

dear paradise girl:

_{you have crabs clipped to your earlobes
and you wear seagull feathers for a dress.

there are blue-kelp tattoos across your shoulders
and a ring of suction-cup stars around each ankle,
and when you move,
you move like water.

and when you wrap your arms around me,
i draw back in fear
because your skin molds to mine like mud...
and you grin,
a snaggle-toothed vision,
because you know i've forgotten once again.

your skin is cool and clammy
and i can't stand to hug you
anymore than i can chew on sand.

forgive me.}

dear paradise girl:

_{you're crying grains of salt
and the beads have sliced my fingers.

you wail for hours
about dolphins
and seahorses
and making new discoveries
and i always wonder where you go when you dream.

and honey,
you have to understand:
i've been licking your saltdrops for ages,
but i think i may have finally snapped.

and when i breathe
in the midst of your seaweed-tangled hair,
i smell rainclouds
and damp parchment
and fear...

and if i hold you too closely...

if i snap the twigs of your arms in two...

i apologize.

but you are held together
by wind
and scraps of dull yarn
and a conch shell i used for a heart-holder...

and i'm sorry,
but you don't exist,
really.

forgive me.}

dear paradise girl:

_{i made you up
out of the rhythm of waves
and about twelve unknown objects.

and now,
i've lost you again.

the tide swept you away.}

dear paradise girl:

_{let's try our love once more.

i've been rebuilding you.

rebuilding us.

i promise i'll be gentle.}

dear paradise girl:

i miss you.

Does the rhythm remain the same (or close enough to the same) throughout the piece? Was the imagery overly-done, or does it work for you guys? What about the structure? Most importantly...is the narrative understandable, or lost to too many weird word-choices?

february 2010

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