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betwixtthepages's avatar
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Literature Text

excitement:

one sheet of cheap paper
detailing every growth,
every change.

nine months
chalked down to weeks
and several tiny images.

week one:
conception.

week nine:
ear structure forming.



anxiety:

one appointment
scrawled across the page.

bloodwork,
ultrasound,
internal exam...

events that should be itemized,
stuck in the family museum,
clipped down to snapshot memories.



doubt:

twelve thousand thoughts
of names and pain,
of teaching morals and values,
of how to say "no"
even though sometimes,
i couldn't myself.



agitation:

morning sickness,
sleepless nights,
and the constant knowledge
that the timing might not have been right.



fear:

the sudden gush of crimson,
one frantic drive to the er...



loss:

..............




i wonder,
now,
if maybe...

just maybe...

you weren't ready to love us.

i wonder
who you'd have looked like,
walked like,
chewed like...

i wonder
what you would have prefered:
chocolate,
butterscotch,
fireballs...

and i wonder
who you might have loved more.

but mostly,
i wonder what happened
to make you exist...
only to be taken away.



.............



heartache:

understanding
that if it was what they say...
you may not have existed,
after all.

This is total crap.

And probably scraps, soon.

April 2010

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Please check out:

Dear Sweet Baby

by :icongabzzzzzi:
© 2010 - 2024 betwixtthepages
Comments3
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somebodyornobody's avatar
Aww. /: I agree with haftangelrisesagain - this is not crap at all, this is beautiful