literature

Delicacies (FFM Day 11)

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"To Whom it May Concern:

There's a footprint on my back that will tell you all you need to know about the local homeowner's association.  Paying attention?  Good.  Let me start at the beginning.

Seven months ago, my wife became pregnant.  With two little boys already, we knew our two-bedroom couldn't sustain us much longer.  We began looking for something new.  Now, you need to understand something.  My wife is the sweetest, most normal creature I know...unless she's pregnant.  I know what you're thinking.  "ALL pregnant women can be terrors, those fluctuating hormones and the back pain alone would..."

No.  You aren't understanding.

You see, my wife is an alien.  No, I don't mean she's from Cuba or Mexico or Peru.  She doesn't have a green card.  She isn't here illegally.  I mean she's an alien.  And when she's pregnant, her old quirks come out.  Bright purple scales; long webbed toes; a strange obsession with lily pads.  The woman's a poison dart frog, and when she's pregnant, EVERYONE is the enemy.

So we're house hunting, right?  We'd seen a few places, set up a few other appointments, but the wife was pretty dead set on a white picket fence, large trees in the backyard, four bedroom number.  The real estate lady was pushing the wife--HARD--to take the place, and the wife was pushing ME.  So we made an offer.

Wouldn't you know, a week later we were pocketing the keys and emptying our savings account.  It was too easy.  We should have known better."

----

Nicklaus squirms in his chair, his spine numb from the ice packs taped down his back.  Rubbing his temples, he glances through the door into the living room where the wife and boys are relaxing.  Neon pink splotches freckle Iyana's face; every few seconds, her throat bubbles and a small croak rumbles through her chest.  She's pissed.  Really, really pissed.  And it's his fault, in the worst way--he saved his family, but lost them the house.

----

"Last week, we were chased out of the neighborhood.  The real estate lady... Well, she forgot to mention a few things while showing us the house.  Like how the neighbors welcome new families with barbecues.  Sounds nice, right?  That's what we thought, until we learned what...or rather, WHO...the main course was.

Apparently, Iyana's homeland is famous in this part of the state.  Something about a science fiction show featuring a doctor and a flying blue box...  Anyway, people here know it by name, and barter their souls for the only delicacy you can find there.

I told you earlier, Iyana's an alien.  I didn't tell you why she left home.  You see, on her planet, there are creatures who know how to make the poison on her skin and in her veins inert.  There are people there who make a living living off creatures like Iyana.  On her planet, she's dinner.

I am sorry for running the real estate lady over with my car on our way out.  I guess I just don't take kindly to people trying to eat my wife.  I mean, would you?"
:iconglory-be-project:

:iconflash-fic-month: Day 11

Prompt from Augmented4th -- There's a footprint on my back that will tell you all you need to know about the local homeowner's association.

July 11th, 2014</span>
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