drifting me draining me

today, i am a drainpipe--
emotional baggage leaking
like rain following the tendrils
of greasy hair, slopes of
bony cheeks

my coworker tells me i
am shrinking into nothing;
i am too biased to know
if the space of my waistband
is healthy
or concerning

customers tell me
they like the flowers i thread
through my hair;
i smile but don't tell them
the vibrant colors are supposed
to represent the happy
i can't seem to find 

my mom tells me i
will get used to living alone,
it just takes time;
i don't argue anymore,
though i'm screaming, a bird
trapped in ribbone cages,
how much i hate it

my grandma says that this
was the best decision for me,
that living the way i was
for as long as i did
was never the answer;
most days, i believe her
but i wonder
how living as i am now
is any better

today, i am a river
sweeping the splinters
off the cliffs of my spine,
the waterfalls of my knees,
the points of all the joints that make me...
just trying
to figure out
who me is
now